sensitive

I am officially a middle-aged woman, Colorado born and raised, who has reached a point in my life that I don’t care much what people think of me — until my anxiety takes hold and then I do.  I’ve struggled with chronic depression (dysthymia) and anxiety for most of my life although I didn’t have a name for it until life forced me to address my mental state a few years back.  I’ve learned to manage it, most of the time anyway.  I’m also STRONGLY introverted and a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).  While I try to focus on the positive, it’s hard not to see these traits as both a blessing and a curse.  While my sensitivity allows me to see, hear, and feel the beauty in subtle things, I’m also easily overwhelmed by the ever-increasing and chaotic stimuli in our world.  Due to these stresses and other choices I’ve made in my life, I developed fibromyalgia (chronic pain) – a lesson in how important it is to take care of one’s self.  I love the fact that my empathetic and detail-oriented nature allows me almost instinctively to know how to help others but sometimes I go overboard, offering help where it might not be wanted.  Worse yet, I feel pulled to help others that might take advantage or not warrant my concern.  Most of the time, I love people and want to see the best in humanity, but I all too often find myself devastated and heartbroken by the pain and suffering people cause each other and our natural world.  I yearn to withdraw into myself and ignore the world.  Hence, my moniker, the soft-hearted misanthrope.