adopt

So, six years ago today, this happened:

My husband and I officially adopted our three daughters (then ages 5, 4, and a month shy of 3) from our local county foster care system on June 13, 2011. While we spoke to the judge and agreed that these three little pixies would be our legal children and would be granted all the rights of any biological child, our oldest daughter beamed and our younger two ran around the courtroom in wild abandon. We were already a family at this point. The girls had been in our home for nearly 9 months. They were already our daughters and they happily (usually) called us Mommy & Daddy. This image marks the moment permanency was granted.

People often say that our girls are “lucky to have [us]” but that’s an unfair statement. In an ideal world, every child would remain with their first family – loved, safe, and with their biological identity intact. But we do not live in an ideal world and our girls are affected by this reality in a myriad of ways. This is not “lucky”. It’s the messiness of life. My husband and I chose to create a family through adoption and our daughters needed a soft place to land after a traumatic loss. As a family, we learn from each other and grow together. While my husband and I help our daughters navigate growing up, they help us discover so much about ourselves as we grow in our roles as Mom and Dad. The last six years have NOT been easy. There have been a lot of tears, temper tantrums, and unexpected triggers…and not just from the girls! There are times that I’m not sure how I’ll make it through the next year, the next month, the next week, day, hour, sometimes even the next minute. Most of the time, however, the good outweighs the bad and we are treated to fun, giggles, hugs, and love from our daughters. We are family.

If you are inspired by our family, don’t tell me how “lucky” the girls are to have us. Be introspective and use that inspiration to figure out how YOU can make a difference. Some ideas include:

• Consider becoming a foster parent. Provide a soft spot for a kid in crisis to land. Be open to the reality that, whenever possible, a child’s biological family is the ideal place for him or her to grow up. Be kind and supportive. Be strong, even when your heart is breaking.
• Open your home and your heart to one (or more) of the more than 100,000 foster kids legally free for adoption and in need of a loving, supportive family.  Web sites such as AdoptUSKids, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, and the Adoption Exchange are good places to learn and start the process.
• Volunteer to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) or seek out other ways to help foster and adopted youth. Support organizations that help adoptive families succeed.
•  Help first families grow stronger!  Create community, lend a hand, and support organizations that assist people in developing self-sufficiency and fight against the root causes of poverty, homelessness, and addiction.
• Learn about trauma and how it affects the way children learn and grow. Reframe your attitude toward bad behaviors and addictions. Consider how you can help those who have been hurt.

What will YOU do to make the world a better place?

I am looking for the holes, the holes in your jeans because I want to know:
are they worn out in the seat or are they worn out in the knees?
– Ani DiFranco, “Looking for the Holes”